Illusions of Desires
by Xin Jing
Summary: Losing her only consolation. Emerged in perpetual darkness. Forced to comply to a certain annoying human. Mistaken for an escaped concubine. Putting her life on the line. It was something no one would expect, yet it happened.


**Illusion of Desires**

**By- Xin Jing**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Okay, maybe the plot.**_

_**Legend: **_

_**&&&& --- Change of scene**_

**_Flashback… --- Beginning of past memories_**

**_&&&& (Continuing Flashback…) --- Change of scene and continuing of past memories_**

_**End of Flashback… --- Ending of past memories**_

_**Italics --- Thoughts**_

**CHAPTER 1**

**Separated by the Barrier between Life and Death, Part 1**

_Love is yet another illusion created by people's desires, wants, even though there might be some exceptions, but those are very rare. I admit, love is beautiful, and is everyone's dreams, hopes and everything… We yearn for it. Yet, you can't be totally trustful with love. Love is gentle and sweet at the outside, yet… it is harsh, bitter and can crush your hopes and dreams in the inside, it can shatter friendships, even the strong-rooted ones… It makes you give up your everything, your friends, family… Just for the benefit of yourself… _

_I had asked myself over and over and over again… _

_Is he worth it? Is he worth for so many heart-breaking sacrifices? _

_Yes, perhaps. _

_But not those immature love, those that you just like his looks, his outside… And you don't give a second look at his inside._

_And from there, I begin my story…_

It was another disastrous morning… Since Okaa-san died, everything seemed black, listless… I was broken. More than broken. It seemed as though a part of my soul was torn away from me…

"Tomoyo-chan? Are you alright?" Concerned emerald orbs flickered at me.

"Yes, don't worry." I said, putting on a false smile and masking my distant expression.

"Oh… I thought…" Sakura trailed off, uncertainly.

"Good morning, Sakura-san, Tomoyo-san." A polite and velvety voice said pleasantly.

I turned around; almost dreading to see where pleasant voice came from.

"Good morning, Hiiragizawa-san." I smiled stiffly. Feeling the puzzled gaze of Sakura upon me, I tried a more natural smile, yet failed miserably.

"G-Good morning, Eriol-kun." Sakura said, casting a questioning look at Eriol.

An awkward silence filled the air.

"If there's nothing else, I will be on my way." I forced the bitter words out, sweeping past Eriol and walking swiftly towards the history classroom, a bundle of books in my arms.

"W-What's wrong with Tomoyo-chan?" I heard Sakura's distant voice say, yet, no response came from Eriol.

&&&&

I sat stiffly on my chair, pretending to listen to the teacher as usual. Staring at the black board, but actually staring into nothingness, I gazed at the two people who were just rushing into the classroom, one with flowing auburn locks till her shoulders and the other one with silky midnight blue hair. Despite being late, they were smiling.

I felt a rush of desolateness in my heart, chilling my skin. _Of course, he loves her… Not me._ "Gomen nasai, sensei!" Sakura's happy voice echoed in my mind. _How could I not notice it at all…? After all those that happened…?_

A lone tear dropped onto my parchment; I bent over on it, seeming very engrossed in it, but actually hiding my tear-stained face from reality. _When the world collapses, Sakura would have Eriol there by her side, while I… will have to face my inevitable death, forever forgotten in the world of perpetual darkness… No one will be there for me… when everything is hopeless._

"Are you alright, Tomoyo-san?" Eriol, who was back in his seat after apologizing to Terada-sensei, said softly.

"Huh?" I jerked my head behind, where Eriol was, causing my raven hair to billow greatly, my amethyst eyes widening with surprise.

"You look as though you're- you're… crying…" He murmured, one of his pale hands reached up unconsciously to my cheeks, as though he was going to touch it.

I lowered my eyes. _He would never mean love. This was only pity… only concern… for a friend. Why did it hurt so much…?_

"Daidouji-san, Hiiragizawa-san!" Terada-sensei's voice called in the distance. It was as if it were only the two of us in the classroom, as if everyone had disappeared…

Eriol's slender fingers jerked, his hand withdrawing quickly.

"Gomen nasai, sensei." I said expressionlessly, turning back slowly. Terada-sensei looked confusedly at me, wondering what had possessed my body; I was usually the most attentive one in class.

A bustle of the pupils gossiping reached my ears, yet my heart had been shattered into a thousand pieces of shards, I was no longer able to hear… For the shattering sound of my scarred heart was as deafening as anything…

I didn't know what had possessed me that day when I decided to say that to Eriol… Maybe I was lonely? No, that couldn't be it. Is it because I yearn for someone to care for me, to ensure me that I should live on…? Perhaps… It was that fateful day when my mother died that I lost my composedness, my dignity, my tears…

I showed no one but him my weaknesses… Yet he had rejected me…

**_Flashback…_**

"No one actually knows the exact direction of the floating castle in the legend, yet live witnesses had claimed to see it-"

"Excuse me, Terada-sensei?" A finely-dressed lady interrupted Terada-sensei smoothly, her honeyed voice coming from a crack of the door.

"Yes?" Terada-sensei seemed puzzled.

"May I see-" She glanced at her clipboard swiftly, "Daidouji-san?"

I tilted my chin up at the sound of my name.

"Daidouji-san?" Terada-sensei murmured, as though he had forgotten that such a person existed in his classroom, "Oh, I see. Daidouji-san!" Terada-sensei called.

I stood up from my chair, feeling the pupils' gazes on me. With my long raven hair floating gently with the breeze, I strode to the door, my everlasting polite smile slipping off my face.

"Y-Yes?" I asked the lady, my heart pounding hard on my chest. I had a feeling… a peculiar feeling that something bad would happen today… and that feeling is expanding every second in my heart… as if ready to explode. _W-What's wrong with me…?_

"Your grandfather sent a message by the pigeon." She said briskly, once the classroom door was closed and Terada-sensei resumed his ranting about the 'floating castle'.

"W-What did he say?" My voice trembled the slightest bit.

"He said that your bodyguards will be arriving shortly at the school gates." She said, an amusing tone touched onto her voice.

"W-What…?" I murmured to myself softly.

"Daidouji-san?"

"Excuse me, sensei, but I've got to go. Please inform Terada-sensei that I will be skipping today's lessons." I said swiftly.

"W-What?" She gaped, "But Daidouji-!"

"Gomen nasai, I really need to go." And with that, I ran down the corridors, working hard to calm myself down all the way.

"Everything will be alright… It must be just another of your stupid intuitions…" I tried convincing myself with a calm, soothing voice.

Yet, everything seemed so ominous to me, as if something terrible would happen… And I would have to resign to Fate, accepting what it had arranged for me… No…

&&&& (Continuing Flashback…)

"What happened, Ojii-san?" I asked anxiously, collapsing on the carriage seat when the grand carriage finally arrived at the school gates.

"Your mother, she-" Ojii-san sighed heavily, his eyebrows furrowing in tiredness, "She is about to… to…"

"To?" I urged, a sense of dread starting to overcome me. Now, I was almost sure that something horrible happened.

"Die." He finished, burying his face in his hands.

"Die…?" I murmured. The sand of time seemed to stop temporally for me. It seemed as though impossible… Mother had been laughing and smiling all day… yet…

"A-Are you sure?" For once, my composedness was shattered.

"Yes." Ojii-san said, his voice unsteady. He looked so much older at that moment.

"No… No… It can't possibly be true…!" My voice became louder and louder, from a whisper to a scream.

"Tomoyo-san! Please calm down." Ojii-san said, though he was in no better position than I was.

"Calm down…? How do I calm down? How can anyone calm down when their mothers are dying…!" I finally burst out.

The bodyguards turned around, with a bewildered expression; they had not seen me in this position before, ever since my father died.

"The best doctors in the district had checked on Sonomi. They… They said that they had not seen such an illness…"

I stared distantly outside through the luxurious cream curtains that framed the small carriage window, my amethyst orbs expressionless. _It can't be true… It can't be possibly true… Father left me… Mother is about to leave too… What should I do now…? It's no point living… No point… No point at all…_

&&&& (Continuing Flashback…)

I took a quivering step into Ojii-san's mansion. The ride, that lasted only approximately 10 minutes, seemed like an eternity to me. My expression was a total blank during the whole journey; my amethyst orbs were dull.

The weather had taken a sudden change. It was bright and sunny seconds before, yet the sky suddenly turned black and cloudy, as if a storm was about to occur very soon. Lightning started to strike mercilessly across the wicked-looking sky, everything seemed gray and listless.

"How is Sonomi-san faring, doctor?" As soon as we had reached, Ojii-san hobbled to find the doctor and asked the distraught doctor anxiously.

I stared into white nothingness, sinking on a puffed-up chair. My amethyst pools had lost it usual sparkling state; a dull purplish had replaced it. I might look as though nothing bored me more than this, yet my emotions were battling savagely inside me. _I won't show any emotions… I don't want to be weak…_ Tears were begging to erupt inside me, yet, I forced them down.

"Miss…" A bodyguard started, "We can go now."

"Yes." A cold voice that barely sound like mine replied shortly.

I stood up abruptly and walked slowly towards the stairs, my mind so fogged up that I barely registered the fact that I was walking, it was as if I was in a dream… _No, a nightmare… Which is destined to be true…?_

A gray door was opened by the bodyguard, revealing an auburn-haired woman, lying limply on a pure white bed, a bright and yellow canopy draping over at the top. It was so hard to believe that my once lively mother was dying, so hard to believe… I don't want to believe…

Why must everyone abandon me…? Why…? I want to die this time round; I don't want to be the one carrying the burden this time round…

"Okaa-san…" I whispered softly, a dull ache hurting my heart.

"T-Tomoyo-chan?" Sonomi murmured weakly, questioningly. "I-Is that you?"

"Mother…" Tears started to well up rapidly inside my amethyst orbs, threatening to fall.

Sonomi's eyes remained tightly closed, yet one of her pale and clammy hands reached up painfully, as though expecting someone to be there.

"W-Where are you…?" She whispered, her every word seemed like daggers, piercing my heart.

"I'm here, Mother, don't worry…" I whispered, my voice strained.

I clutched her pale hand in mine, swallowing an exploding sob. I surveyed her placid face with pained sadness. _Why must it be Okaa-san who suffers? Why can't it be me…?_

"Tomoyo-chan…" She sighed, a hint of relief in her tired voice.

"Why don't you open your eyes, Sonomi? I think it'll be better." Ojii-san said casually, but his voice shook alarmingly.

"No… It's painful…" Sonomi murmured, mustering all her strength to talk.

"I…I think I'm going to… to…" Sonomi said faintly.

"Don't talk anymore, Mother. Don't waste your strength…" I whispered; small drops of tears that seemed so much like diamonds started to tumble slowly down my cheeks.

"Die." Sonomi finished with a wracking cough, as if I had not interrupted her.

"Mother, you are not going to die!" I said in a fierce whisper, almost desperate. "The best doctors are trying their best to heal you, and they definitely will!"

"Tomoyo-chan… When a person is destined to die by Fate… they will…" She said softly. "No one can defy Fate… Everyone must accept it, no matter h-how terrible it has spun for you… And I am learning to accept it… You should too…" Sonomi whispered between coughs.

"I don't want to accept… I refuse to! Mother, what about Ojii-san? What about Sakura-chan? Even if you don't care their existence, what about me? Father died, Mother. I-I don't know h-how to cope without you… …"

"Gomen-nasai…" A drop of tear coursed down from her screwed up eyes.

"Please, Mother… You must believe that you will get well…" I gripped her pale hand tightly.

I could feel the life flowing out of her veins… Every breath was labor, pain. Her breath had become shallow… Almost vanishing… I knew that I could not do anything to stop her from dying… Yet, I could not believe that my only consolation was dying… disappearing from this world…

"Be strong, Tomoyo-chan…" She murmured, her pale hand growing limp in mine. The last bit of her life flowed out of her veins; yet, I did not shed any tears, nor show any emotion…

"Sonomi… No… NO! DOCTOR!" Ojii-san lumbered out of the room, hobbling as fast as he could outside, shouting.

"Mother… You are still alive… Aren't you? You are just playing dead, aren't you?" I whispered desperately, as if expecting her to jolt up, laughing at my stupidity.

Yet… she didn't. She remained still and pale, looking as though she was sleeping… Yet, I knew that she was gone… Never ever to come back again…

&&&& (Continuing Flashback…)

"Tomoyo!" I heard an anxious shout, and the door flew open, revealing a disconcerted Sakura and a concerned Eriol.

I stood up shakily, and turned around, facing them.

Throwing herself at me, she flung her arms onto my neck, literally choking me, "Tomoyo-chan... I was so worried… So worried… Ojii-san said that you are in the room…"

I tore out of her reach. Staring coldly, I said harshly, "My mother died."

Sakura stared at me in bewilderment, saying softly, "Tomoyo-chan? Are you okay?"

"It's all your fault, Sakura… If I had never known you, if I was never related to you… Would Okaa-san be in this position now?" I asked softly, almost to myself.

"W-What-?" Sakura's emerald orbs were widened twice their size, her eyes revealing her outmost shock.

"Those people wanted the Card Mistress dead, Sakura! And in order for that, they took me as a victim… My mother died, to protect me!" I burst out.

"Tomoyo-"

"Don't you ever call me that again." I whispered, my amethyst eyes hardening. "I don't want to see you again! Get out!" I screamed.

Those startling emerald orbs were filled rapidly with rivers of tears, yet… Every sense was lost in me… I had forgotten how to care, love or regret…

The next thing I knew, Sakura turned around quickly and rushed out of the door, out of my sight, out of my life.

"How could you do that to Sakura-san? She was worried about you. She cared about you. Yet you don't appreciate it and even shouted at her! I can't believe it, Tomoyo-san… I thought you were the calm and composed one, never to misunderstand anyone… But I was wrong." And Eriol too, ran off after Sakura without another word.

_Everyone abandoned me… No one… No one will be there for me anymore… Not even my closest friends…_

_And it hurts… It hurts… Because it is my entire fault._

&&&& (Continuing Flashback…)

I ran swiftly from the Ojii-san's mansion, ignoring the calls of Ojii-san or the bodyguards, glistening tears flying. _What did I just do? It was not Sakura's fault that those horrible people wanted to kill her… It was not Sakura's fault that those horrible people targeted me… It was not her fault that they took aim at Okaa-san instead… _

I stopped suddenly, taking a glimpse at my surroundings.

_The Hoshi Lake…_

I smiled slightly at the memories of the past when Sakura and I often came here and play, we were so ignorant then… I walked slowly towards one of the swings made of strong tree roots and collapsed on it, feeling today's tears erupting from me. My shoulders shook as sobs exploded inside me, yet I kept them in, just shaking silently with tears streaming down my face.

_It was my entire fault… I shouldn't have shouted… I shouldn't have blamed Sakura… She's innocent, just caught up in my own whirling problems-_

"Tomoyo-san?"

I jerked up, surprised, and found myself face to face with a certain person, who was smiling softly.

_Eriol. _

"W-What…?" I whispered, almost doubtful that the person standing in front of me was real.

"Surprised?" He smiled.

"I – I guess…" I lowered my eyes, feeling the familiar sensation of hotness on my cheeks.

He sat on the other swing, swinging gently.

"It's a wonderful sensation…" He murmured.

I cast a questioning look at him.

"Oh, you must be wondering what I am talking about!" He laughed amusedly. "It's the swing. I've never swung on one before, even when I was Clow Reed."

I smiled gently, savoring the moment with Eriol.

He swung in silent for a while and said softly, "You are regretting, aren't you?"

I looked around at him in surprise. _How did he know…?_ "Yes."

"Sakura-san was crying just now, she's very sad."

"I – I know that…" I murmured, with a hint of remorse in my voice.

Silence filled the air again. Autumn leaves sailed weightlessly from the air and fell down onto the damp ground, then was swept away by the harsh wind again.

"You know, Eriol-kun? I once thought that if the sky collapses, there will always be someone to be there for you, no matter what…"

Eriol smiled faintly, encouraging me to continue.

"But I finally realize… That only applies to those who have someone by their side, always…" I said expressionlessly, staring at the autumn leaves.

"Otou-san… Okaa-san… They all left me…" Tears sprang to my eyes as Mother's last words echoed in my mind, "Be strong, Tomoyo-chan…"

"When Otou-san died, I did not really mourn his death… He was always out, always absent from my life… Yet, despite that, Okaa-san cried a lot and I was her main consolation…" I smiled gently at that memory.

"I can imagine that." He flashed me a warm smile.

"Okaa-san was the closest to me… She understood me, when no one else does… She gave me precious advice; she treats me as though I was a friend, not merely her daughter…"

"Yet, she died." Eriol said quietly.

"Yes…"

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"No, don't be. I should be shouted at… I hurt Sakura-chan, and I am her best friend…"

"I admit that was a little far." Eriol grinned.

I lowered my eyes in reply. Then, my amethyst orbs were clouded again as I remembered a particular memory.

"Tomoyo-san?" Eriol enquired.

I shook my head a little, trying to get rid of the memory.

"What were you thinking?" He asked curiously.

"Oh… Just something silly…"

"Is that something you can tell me?" He asked gently. "Anyway, if it is something silly, it can't be weirder than me, right?" He laughed good-naturedly.

"Well…"

"Go on." He probed.

"Oh okay…" I said resignedly. If Clow Reed wanted an answer, he will get it. "When the sky collapses, when everything is hopeless, desperate… Those with someone encouraging them will survive… While I… Will have to face my inevitable death… For no one will break my fall..." I murmured.

"But it is the best for me, anyway…"

"Why?" Eriol looked surprised, in an apprehensive way.

"At least when I am forever forgotten in perpetual darkness, my pain will fade away, bit by bit… Until it fades away completely…" I smiled wistfully at the amber-colored leaves.

"Do you really want that to happen?" Eriol asked, yet he didn't wait for an answer. "I wouldn't. I will live on, knowing that someone died to save me; I would cherish my life more than ever."

"Of course you would. You are strong… You didn't experience the feeling of losing someone very important in your life…But I did. And it's still fresh in my mind. My mother wanted me to be strong… Yet, it is impossible… How can anyone be strong…? When no one is by your side, encouraging and urging you on the tedious road in life?" Tears threaten to tumble out of my eyes.

"I will always be there to catch you, no matter what happens," Eriol said quietly.

"Huh?" I whipped around in surprise. _What did he say…?_

"I – I mean… E – Even if you shouted at Sakura, she would still be at your side." He said, averting his azure eyes from me.

"O-Oh…" The bubble of hope that I was feeling earlier on burst. "T-That's a nice thought."

An awkward silence filled the space between us.

"I'd better go back. Ojii-san must be very worried." I said finally, unwilling to let the unnerving silence spiral on longer.

I stared at him brokenly, then averting my gaze from him.

_He will never love me… I could have everything… Except him._

"B – Bye."

"See you tomorrow at school, then." He smiled warmly.

"Y –Yeah…" _If I'm really destined to face depress in the end, then let it be… I won't regret… _

_Even if it takes my life away from me…_

_Just don't deprive me of seeing Eriol…_

_At the mere sight of him…_

_Is like hope glittering in perpetual darkness._

**_End of Flashback…_**

"Daidouji-san! I'm tired of calling you. What's wrong with you!" A distinct voice from a distant shouted, irritated.

"I'm sorry, Terada-sensei. My mind is a little fogged up." I lied calmly, when the figure of Terada-sensei became clear in my mind.

"Oh." Terada-sensei quieted down immediately. "Do you need me to send message to the doctor?" He asked concernedly.

"No, don't worry." I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Okay, now that Daidouji-san has kindly returned back amidst us, I've an announcement to make." Sniggers echoed in the room. I ignored them pointedly.

"Hiiragizawa Eriol is going back to England tomorrow." He announced. Murmurs echoed the classroom.

I whipped around my seat and azure eyes stared back at mine. Somehow, his cerulean blue eyes seemed… seemed… melancholic…

&&&&

"I don't understand, Eriol-kun! Why are you going back to England?" Sakura exclaimed as soon as we were dismissed.

"I have things waiting to be done there. Also, they are targeting me now." Eriol answered calmly, yet, his hands trembled a little as he straightened up from his table.

"What…?" Sakura suddenly turned placid.

It was all like a dream again. I had apologized to Sakura as soon as I saw her and now… Eriol was leaving.

"W-When are you coming back?" I said softly, trying to keep my tone as casual as possible.

I felt Eriol stare at me for a moment, before saying, "I'm not sure. If I return, I'll surely bring everyone danger again, if my predictions are right."

"When are you going? Tomoyo and I will definitely see you off."

"There's no need for that, Sakura-san," He said, turning and starting to walk away from us. "But thank you, all the same."

I stared at the slender back of Eriol's as he walked slowly out the school gate, forever gone in my life.

&&&&

"Tomoyo-chan…? Are you sure you're alright…?" Sakura asked tentatively.

"Y – Yeah."

"How do you think Eriol's going back to England…?" I mumbled emotionlessly.

Sakura made a hesitant pause. "By magic, I think. It's too endangering to go back by horses." She said finally.

"Oh."

For once, I could not think of anything to say to Sakura. It all seemed easy to communicate with her in my childhood days, for the Card Captor catastrophes often provoked a subject to talk about. Yet, now, our friendship seemed so strained, so… so… so cold…

"T-Tomoyo?" Sakura asked quietly.

"Yes?" I tried to muster a smile.

"Y-You aren't angry with me, are you?" She seemed to struggle a little before saying softly.

"What-? Oh, um, no, of course not! I'm not. You didn't ask those people to kill Okaa-san, did you? It isn't your fault, Sakura-chan. I… I was just too blinded with feelings to see it then." I said remorsefully.

"You aren't? Yokatta (I'm glad)…" Sakura seemed a great deal happier.

"Um, Sakura-chan, if Eriol-kun – err – uses his magic, can you feel it?"

"Huh? Well, yes. I can feel it, since it's quite strong." She answered, puzzled about the sudden inquiries.

"Can you feel it now?"

"Hmm…" She paused a little. "No."

I let out a shaky sigh. "See you tomorrow, Sakura-chan."

"Bye!" She called back cheerily as I turned at a fork of a road towards my mansion, where I knew, no matter how loud I screamed through the great halls, Mother would not bounce out and greet me with happiness again.

&&&&

I trudged up the steps, even the twittering of the birds and the peaceful breeze swept by the wind could not ease my sadness that seemed as deep as the sea.

_Otou-san is gone… Okaa-san died… Now Eriol is going… _

_Why is heaven so unfair to me…?_

"Miss…" One of the maids rushed down the grand stairs towards me, carrying an anxious expression.

"Yes…?" I raised my red-rimmed eyes tiredly towards the direction of the voice, slightly surprised as the maids are trained properly to conceal their anxiousness and emotions.

"S-Someone is in there, carrying our furniture and antiques away!" She stammered, her jet-black eyes wide with apprehension.

My amethyst orbs widened considerably. "What do you mean by 'carrying our furniture and antiques away'?" I asked quickly, hastening my steps up the stairs.

"T-They… They said s-something about inheriting…" She stuttered, "Please, miss! Do not blame us! We did not know, so we let them in!"

I gave her a small, assuring smile. "Don't worry about that, I would never blame anyone. I made a blunder that I would never forget." My eyes glinted with an emotion that could not be deciphered.

"B-But…" The maid stuttered, unconvinced.

The scene caught me off guard immediately. I stood there, as if it depended on my life. It was as if I had grown roots on my feet. I was paralyzed, shocked. In my whole life of 15 years, I had not felt that angry before. Yes, even couldn't angrier when Okaa-san died.

"May I know what you are doing?" I asked with forced politeness, yet my amethyst pools had hardened to an icy purple.

"Oh, if it isn't my dear Tomoyo-san!" A strawberry-blonde haired woman whirled around gracefully, a delighted smile plastered on her pudgy face.

"Takara-san." I greeted icily.

"Oh, why the icy touch?" She laughed, a high tinkling note. "It was not my fault that your Otou-san died, isn't it?" She said laughingly. "Your Okaa-san left me all of these – "She gestured the whole house with a wide, toad smile. "And you too!" I turned white. "Isn't that _great_? Okaa-san seems so cozy!"

"What do you mean by leaving you the house and _me, _Takara-san?" I asked, bottling up my anger successfully.

"Oh, your mother gave me this before she died – "She waved a piece of paper airily. "And it says that I inherit the house and you!"

I stared at her, loss of words. Mother gave me to _this woman_?

"Oh, and by the way, my condolences." She said, yet her glittering cerulean blue eyes were shining with utmost happiness.

"Thank you." I said stiffly, still trying my best to be polite.

"Oh, don't mention it!" She smiled, revealing two large rabbit teeth. "We are about to be family! I'm _so_ glad Sonomi left you to me!" She grinned, yet her eyes barely concealed menace.

"I'm elated." I said between gritted teeth.

"Of course you are!" She exclaimed. "You are going to have so much fun with me." She said, her voice lowered to a whisper.

&&&&

"Oh, by the way, Tomoyo-san, we are not living in this house anymore." She smiled as my amethyst orbs widened. "We are going to my house."

"I… I see…"

"Oh come on! You look as though you are about to die! Like your mother!" She exclaimed, if she noticed me flinch, she did not say anything except laughing melodiously.

"Are you going to sell all of our things?" I asked, yet dreading the answer.

"Well, in fact, yes." She said, still grinning like a Cheshire cat, but in an irritating way.

"My mother treasures them." I said quietly.

"Oh well, she had died, isn't it? And she gave me everything, including you. I can do anything to them." She said, her smile fading a little.

"Okaa-san might have died, yet she still lives in my heart!" I said, feeling my velvety voice going higher and higher. "You are _not_ to sell them." I said in a quiet voice.

"I beg your pardon?" As if forgetting to be 'kind' and 'good-tempered', her voice was tinted with an outrageous note.

"I said, you are not to sell them." My amethyst pools hardened, icier than ever.

"And whose patience are you testing, insolent girl?" Takara-san's horrible smile slipped of her pudgy face as she sneered. "Your mother _specifically_ told me that I _inherit_ these, girl"

"You are not to - !" Anger crept silently into my voice.

"- Sell them?" She snickered, her reddened lips that was obviously tinted too much of a lipstick turned up in a cruel smile. "_Please_, Tomoyo-san, do you think I need _your_ permission?"

"I'm her daughter." I said resolutely.

"I do not wish to argue anymore, it ruins my perfect image, unlike you. You are not worth of my loss of saliva." She said in an air of impatience, scrutinizing me.

I bit back a retort. _If Mother wants her to inherit me, she must have a reason. I must retain my politeness._

"Now, now, Tomoyo-san, you mustn't ruin our first meeting as mother and daughter, right?" She smiled forcefully, then steering me firmly out of the mansion that I had once lived happily, without any burdens or sadness...

_Until Mother died._

"Okay, be a good daughter now, Tomoyo-san. Go in the carriage and wait for your loving mother, alright? I'll come back soon." She said in a revolting honeyed tone and swept away gracefully back to the house, probably snapping at the workers to work faster.

I stared out emotionlessly out the carriage window. I had just gotten my already dreadful life more horrible.

_Okaa-san… Why must you leave me…? _

&&&&

"This is your new room, Tomoyo-san!" She said with a huge smile on her face that was so dreadful that I was almost sure that whatever the room revealed, it would be something unpleasant.

She reached forwards with a swish of her lavish sleeves and turned the knob of the door.

"There you go, Tomoyo-san!" She showed me into a room that reeked of lavender scents.

For a moment, my sadness, my bruises and pains returned with full force. The ugliness of the room swept me away to depression once again. Yet, I was least surprised; I could imagine Takara-san doing such things, like making me slaving away for her.

I stepped in, momentarily forgetting that I was a duchess, and that I always lived in grandeur due to the money that Okaa-san always brought home despite being a woman.

"Isn't it _wonderful?_" She exclaimed with a high falsely voice.

"I'm glad." I bit my lower lip as tears threatened to fall rapidly like rain.

"Well, Tomoyo-san, at least my daughter knows how to appreciate! Go and unpack now then. Change into that _lovely_ outfit that before coming down, will you?"

"Yes, Takara-san."

"Now, now," She said in a laughingly feign voice, "You must call me Okaa-san, Tomoyo-san."

I looked at her icily.

"You don't scare me, girl. Don't think that you are still a duchess, eh? Your poor mother was a pathetic one." She suddenly bent down and whispered menacingly. "I inherit. So I am the duchess. You are not allowed to say anything, you get it?"

Determined not to see her satisfaction of seeing me cry, I lowered my head, my ebony tresses veiling my eyes.

"My dear Tomoyo-san, go now then." She gave me a smile that could have made a cat sick before disappearing out of the door.

Hearing the click of the door that told me Takara-san had left; I ran to the gray bed and flung myself on it, tears overcoming me silently again.

_Okaa-san… I'm so broken now… Please, I beg you… Come back… come back… _I gripped the thin blanket on the bed, choking down a sob.

_Be strong, Tomoyo-chan… _Mother's last words echoed again in my hopeless mind.

_Be strong…_

_I would always be there to catch you, no matter what…_

_Eriol…_

I slowly got up, and took a quick surveying around the room. Everything was in cheap chocolate brown, and the furniture consisted of only a dresser, a small wardrobe and a simple straight-backed chair, excluding the gray bed that I was lying upon.

I lowered my eyes to my hands tiredly. _Crying will do you nothing good..._ I told myself.

"Daidouji!" Somebody called from the door. "The Miss wants you to hurry up!"

"H-Hai…" I sighed, my hope faltering. I went down the bed and reached for my bag – made of brown cloth. I had managed to persuade Takara-san to let me pack my own things, and sneaked in some of my best dresses in it, yet… everything seemed so despairing… I did not see the reason why I bothered to do so.

Then, I caught sight of a dress; it was tinted with dirt, as if dyed in mud, together with a smudged cloth that I guessed was to wear it on my hair. I had never seen a dirtier dress than the one hanging on the wardrobe. I couldn't believe my eyes.

_Must I wear that…? _I couldn't help but think.

"Tomoyo-san, my dear, what are you doing?" A voice simpered at the door. "Or did you not hear my trustful servant calling for you? Or that your senses are practically lost? Oh, most likely that." The door opened slowly, revealing a well-dressed Takara-san.

"Is that my dress?" I asked quietly.

"Why, yes!" She giggled, which I thought was like a toad croaking. "It's such a _beautiful_ dress, don't you think? I gave a lot of thought for that, and decided that this dress suits you the most!"

"Thank you. I'm glad." I said politely.

"Eh?" Takara-san looked surprised for a moment, but soon covered it with a sickening smile. "Well, then! Please wear it, and don't force me to walk up the stairs to your… room again." She surveyed the room with disdain. "If you call it a room, that is." It was as if _I_ chose the room, not _her_.

"Yes." _She must have a reason for torturing me like this… Perhaps she doesn't like Okaa-san?_

She smiled, her thick, red lips curling, and then sashayed towards the door, the ends of her elegant dress flowing gently. "Be quick, Tomoyo-san… I will need to – well – assign you." She said, peeking out of a crack of the door. Before I could see the sapphires on her thick fingers flashing, she closed the door softly.

My amethyst orbs hardened as soon as she left the room. I moved towards the wardrobe and took the dress. I could do nothing but to obey Tanaka-san, for she held the reins, while I was her horse. And I wandered aimlessly: when would I regain my freedom?

&&&&

I swept past the dirt corridors, where I supposed the maids and servants were to walk there. There were tons of people hurrying from place to place, yet majority of them seemed to find me fascinating, some of the maids halted suddenly when they saw me. I didn't think that they recognized me as the duchess, but they kept staring at my eyes, as though they were exotic.

"Is that _purple_, my dear?" An elderly maid had asked unbelievingly, in which I replied with a polite 'yes'.

By the time I reached the Great Hall, where Takara-san was, I am elated to say that Takara-san wasn't happy at all. I had wasted a whole 45 minutes halting and answering 'is that purple, my dear?' kind of questions.

"I had already asked 4 of my trustworthy servants to call for you there, _my dear_. Or are you retarded?" She asked in an icy tone.

"Gomen, Takara-san, I was being held up – "

"I don't need to hear your reasons, girl. To think that I was kind enough to let you come down to the Great Hall!" She laughed, an unpleasant sound. "But I will be kind to you again, girl. Since it is your first day here as a servant, I will be benevolent and not punish you."

"Takara-san, what do you mean by ser – "

"Servant? Why, I trust that you are clever enough to know it by now, Tomoyo-san, though I doubt it." She gave a mirthless laugh. "Like I said, Tomoyo-san, you are now under my thumb. I inherit you, and so, I have the right to do anything to you." She said, twirling her strawberry blond tresses elegantly as though it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"What if I disobey you?" A bubble of anger resurfaced.

"Disobey me?" Takara hissed vehemently with a trace of outrage in her voice.

"Yes." I answered back smoothly.

"Then prepare for hell, Daidouji. You can reunion with your pathetic mother." She said maliciously, smiling forcedly. "If I do have a choice, I would definitely just throw you in the alley and see how you can survive there without your pride if not for your dear Card Mistress…"

_Card Mistress…? S-Sakura…? No… No!_

"What are you going to do with her? She did nothing to hurt you! Why must you just mess up her life?" Realization dawned on me as I uttered out the resentful words. "And… And mess up mine too…?"

"'Cause the little Card Mistress is in our way, stupid girl! I wanted something… yet the sweet little Card Mistress kept forcing me out of my pace… Koizumi-san was right! Kill your mother and forge a paper… easily, you are in our hands!" Her pale face that was covered with layers and layers of powder was contorted with an evil, twisted smile.

"And of course, of course… We can't forget about dear Clow Reed, eh? The soul of the poor little Tomoyo here? Oh, it's just too bad… Clow Reed doesn't fancy pathetic girls, eh?" She smiled lazily, her cerulean eyes hardly concealed menace as her lips lifted up at once, glimpsing my unfathomable expression.

I tightened my grip on the edge of my dress, not really remembering that it was one of the dirtiest ones._ Eriol… Sakura… They are both in danger… And it's all my fault… Again…_

"So… My poor little Tomoyo, their lives depend on you now, uh? If you obey me, no one will be hurt. However… if you disobey me –" Her cerulean eyes hardened. "Then prepare for action… Worse than hell." She said sweetly, as if savoring the moment that Sakura and Eriol would be destroyed, beyond nature.

I bit my lower lip so hard that red, raw blood came trickling down.

"Kill me if you want. I'll never surrender myself to you!"

"Oh, my dear, do you think I would kill you…?" She asked with a tone dripping with honey. "Oh, no, I'll need you alive –" Her eyes glittered madly at the thought. "– For the final showdown."

I backed away slowly from her. "Y-You… You are torn beyond human nature!"

"So what if I am…? When I can finally rule the world…?" She broke into hideous laughter.

A chill went down my spine as I crept towards the door that seemed so far away.

"Now, Tomoyo –" She started with that revolting honeyed tones again. "Where do you think you are going!" I froze.

"Come back here right away." She commanded with ease. I ignored her icy tones, dragging open the side door and stepped out. Then the unpleasant voice came again,

"Please remember Tomoyo-san… that their lives… are in your hands."

I froze. Takara-san smiled.

"So… Would you rather have your best friend and your love die? Or you yourself?" She added silkily.

I collapsed on my knees, clutching the edge of the dress as though it depended on my life.

_No… They mustn't… _

I heard Takara-san's soft footsteps, gliding to the side door.

"Pathetic." She sneered. "However… Useful. Get up." She said harshly, "you are to go to the kitchens, now."

I struggled up. My legs were weak, as though I had walked a thousand miles without stopping… My mind was a blur, and I found that I was hoping to just collapse… fall… anything to get away from harming my friends…

And the person I love…

_**To be continued**_


End file.
